Emma's Writing Portfolio

Self-introduction

2007-01-01T22:00:00.000-08:00

Emma Su
December 24, 2006
Self-introduction

My name is Su Hongyi, now a sophomore of the department of biology at Fudan University. The initial reason I chose biology is that there are a lot of interesting experiments and I love animals, which now seems a big problem for me. In order to learn the structures, the organs, the systems of the animals, we have to open their body and discover what is inside them when they fall asleep. Hurt the animal is the last thing I want to do in this world. But in the name of science, we often neglect how cruel it is that we have done to these small creatures. Now, I am much more used to this than before. Does that mean I become ruthless and heartless? I don’t know. But there is one thing is for sure: the adaptation of humanity is incredibly strong, which, ironically satisfied the revolutionary theory of Darwin.My name is Emma, now a sophomore of the department of biology. The initial reason I chose biology is that I love animals, which now turns out to be a torture to me. Because in order to learn the structures and the systems of the animals, we have to open their body deliberately and discover what is inside them when they have no consciousness. Hurt the animal is the last thing I want to do in this world. But in the name of science, we have to neglect how cruel it is that we have done to these pathetic victims. There are always contradictions between science and morality. After a year of learning, I am gradually used to the dissecting courses and feel number and number. Does that mean I become more ruthless and heartless? I don’t know. However, there is one thing is for sure: the adaptation of humanity is incredibly strong, which, coincidentally, satisfied the revolutionary theory of Darwin.

But if that makes you think that my life is cramped with scalpels and corpses of animals, you are wrong. In my spare times, I like reading and practicing my Chinese calligraphy, which can rescue me from blood and formaldehyde. I like reading, too. From the Republic of Plato, the discourses of Confucius to Harry Potter and the Da Vinci Code, they are all so tempting to me. However, liking reading does not mean I like writing. Maybe it is because that the sense of reason conquers the sensibility in me, or my life is so ponderous, I do not have such impulse to express my emotion out, because I once heard that essays are the voice your heart. If your heart has nothing to say, then what can you write down? Therefore, my writing experience is quite simple: a bunch of compositions, both in English and Chinese, for examinations at school.

Overall, I am a quite introverted girl, with a quite simple life: not adventures or excitements. I think that’s why I like reading: from reading, I can find another way of life and experience all kinds of explorations and expeditions, which can be impossible in real life. Therefore, I sincerely hope that you can enjoy the reading here as I do.

Draft Three

2007-01-01T20:54:00.000-08:00

Emma Su
December 28, 2006
Draft Three

‘A Woman like Me’, scared or dared?

‘A Woman like Me’, which is composed by Xi Xi, tells us a story of a woman who is an alien to the society. Sitting in a coffee shop, waiting for her boyfriend, she is thinking about her job, her life and her future relationship with her lover, Xia. However, unlike a usual amorous and cheerful woman who is in love, she is pessimistic and worried because of her weird job: a cosmetician who makes up for the dead. When it comes to the first reading of the story, the narrator seems to be an independent and critical modern woman. But after a second thought, the narrator is, as far as I am concerned, a scared individual who hides behind her job and refuses to accept reality.

She is an escaper of the reality and society. Because instead of communicating with her colleagues and friends, she seems more interested in the dead bodies she works on, which is quite bizarre and incomprehensible, considering that there is no ‘normal’ woman on earth who likes to talk with dead corpses. But when it comes to such a narrator who has no live friends around, dead corpse may become the only solution. Since when faced with dead corpses, she has no need to worry about being the ‘laughing stock in the eyes of others’ (152) or feeling deserted when her job ‘frightened’ her friends ‘all off’ (153), taking account that a dead one cannot talk or express his feelings. She takes this kind of silence as a pleasant and is satisfied with such kind of ‘harmony’. She tried to use this way to escape the complexity human relationships and rationalize herself that it is simply because of her ‘uncommunicative’ disability that she has to talk to corpses. However, since she can have pleasure excursions with Xia, why cannot she have pleasure conversations with other ‘live’ people? The answer is, obviously, that she does not want to, not is that she cannot to. It is because that she was once discarded by all her friends regard of her job and she no longer wanted such kind of feeling of being isolated that she gives up her effort to find any trustworthy ‘live’ friend, which is more difficult than just talk to obedient audience—the dead corpse. For her, choosing to become an escaper of the society can protect her form being hurt by the reality.

And such kind of escapism reflects her inside timidity, which, derives from her lack of self-confidence and of love. In the story, she once questioned, ‘How can a woman like me, with little schooling and not much knowledge, compete with others in this greed-consumed, dog-eat-dog world?’(154--155) even though she is good at her job. And her brother’s experience also reinforced her self-abasement. His girlfriend is a perfect one ‘of talent and beauty’ (155). But when faced with reality and love, such an excellent woman still has to submit to reality. This may have a big crush on the narrator and make her realized men are so powerless to fight against reality and destiny, let alone a woman without high certifications and strong background. Therefore, she does not have the courage to give up her protection and fight against fate.

Her unconfident attitude towards love also contributed to her cowardice. Her friends’ desertion makes her think that love cannot surpass human’s ‘inborn, primitive timidity of death’ (153). And her brother’s failure of love makes her think that love cannot surpass doomed Fate, either. Even though she thinks that love is so fragile to rely on, she possesses it. She once said that the last thing she wanted to do in this world is to make up for the people she loved. And she loved Xia, too. Otherwise she would not be so painful while waiting for him. Both of these are the evidences that she has love, a thing that she has no confidence. What a satire and ambivalence! That is why she is considered a pusillanimous woman.

To conclude, the narrator is a timorous caitiff, which chooses her job as self-protection from being hurt by real relationships in reality and also, a surviving method through this fiercely competitive society.

Draft Two

2007-01-01T20:49:00.000-08:00

Emma Su
November 20, 2006
Draft Two

‘A Woman Like Me’, which is composed by Xi Xi, tells us a story of a woman who is an alien to the society. Sitting in a coffee shop, waiting for her boyfriend, she is thinking about her job, her life and her future relationship with her lover, Xia. Thus, she is not a usual amorous woman who is in love. On the contrary, she is pessimistic and worried because of her weird job: a cosmetician who makes up for the dead. When it comes to the first reading of the story, the narrator seems to be an independent and bold modern woman. However, after a second thought, the narrator is indeed a scared individual who hides behind her job and refuses to accept reality.

She is an escaper of the society. Instead of communicating to ‘normal’ people, she seems more interested in ‘the bodies of the deceased lying in front of me’. It is quite difficult to understand why a woman likes to talk to dead corpses. However, when it comes to a woman like the narrator, who had no friends ‘alive’, this might be a much easier and simple way. Because when faced with dead corpses, she has no need to worry about being the ‘laughing stock in the eyes of others’ (152) or feeling deserted when her job ‘frightened’ her friends ‘all off’ (153), considering a dead one cannot talk or express his feelings. She takes this kind of silence as a pleasant and immense herself in this kind of ‘harmony’. She tried to use this way to escape the complexity human relationships and rationalize herself that it is simply because of her ‘uncommunicative’ disability. However, since she can have pleasure excursions with Xia, why cannot she have pleasure conversations with other ‘live’ people? The answer is quite clear: she does not want to. It is because she does not like her so-called friends who discard her just account of her job and she is afraid of being isolated by others that she gives up her effort to find other trustworthy ‘live’ friend, which is more difficult than just talk to obedient audience—the dead corpse.

Why she becomes such a kind of woman? First of all, she is not a confident person. In the story, she once questioned, ‘How can a woman like me, with little schooling and not much knowledge, compete with others in this greed-consumed, dog-eat-dog world?’(154--155) even though she is good at her job. It is true that in her time, women are often confronted with difficulties when they try to prove their capability. And her brother’s experience reinforced her self-abasement. Her brother’s girlfriend is a perfect one ‘of talent and beauty’ (155). But when faced with reality and love, such an excellent woman still has to submit to reality. This may have a big crush on the narrator and make her realized how cruel and realistic this world can be. Therefore, no matter what kind of job she is taking, at least it can protect her from not being hurt by the outside world.

What’s more, she is a skeptic of love. Her friends’ desertion makes her think that love cannot surpass human’s ‘inborn, primitive timidity of death’ (153), especially in a country like hers, no religion makes death a permanent burden and trepidation to people alive. Although the narrator never blamed them, she is still disappointed that her friends’ love is so powerless to resist such inner fears. And her brother’s failure of love makes her think that love cannot surpass doomed Fate. Regardless of ‘debt of gratitude’, ‘economic hardships’, man still has to ‘bow to Fate’ (156). The great love to the narrator is too fragile to rely on. All of this contribute her suspicious of love.

In addition, she likes to give herself some definitions and pretend to live under these happily. At the beginning of the story, she says that ‘a woman like me is actually unsuitable for any man’s love’ (152). Then, she regards herself as an uncompetitive woman ‘with little knowledge’ (156). Through these confines, she tries to find some reason for her no-future love and her pessimistic attitudes toward life. Since that she is only a tiny woman on this big world, it is natural for her to ‘harbor no grandiose wishes’ (156); since that the real world is so ugly and disappointing, it is natural for her to seal herself to her small world. From the process of rationalizing, she gains pleasure and thought that her life should be like this.

From this story, we can somehow see the shadows of ourselves. The evolution of science and technology makes our life more and more convenient and efficient. But we also pay big prices. We lose the ability to love, to trust, and to enjoy life and nature. Life to us has become ‘an exercise in futility’ (156). I think the author tries to show us an extreme example among us in order to make us pay more attention to this: a modern society is it fortunate or not?

Draft One

2007-01-01T19:19:00.000-08:00

Emma Su
October 21, 2006
Draft One

‘A Woman Like Me’ tells us a story of a woman who is an alien to the society. Sitting in a coffee shop, waiting for her boyfriend, she is thinking about her job, her life and her future relationship with her lover, Xia. When it comes to the first reading of the story, the narrator seems to be an independent and bold modern woman. However, after a second thought, the narrator is indeed a scared individual who hides behind her job and refuses to accept reality.

She is an escaper of the society. Instead of communicating to ‘normal’ people, she seems more interested in ‘the bodies of the deceased lying in front of me’. It is quite difficult to understand why a woman likes to talk to dead corpses. However, when it comes to a woman like the narrator, who is refused and disliked by other people, this might be a much easier and simple way. She has no need to worry about the reactions of others, to worry about her secrets would be revealed, to worry about the relationships between people, because a dead one cannot stand up and oppose to her. She takes this kind of silence as an agreement and immense herself in this kind of ‘harmony’. She tried to use this way to escape the complexity human relationships and rationalize herself that it is simply because of her ‘uncommunicative’ disability. But since she can have pleasure excursions with Xia, why cannot she have pleasure conversations with other ‘live’ people? The answer is quite clear: she does not want to. Because she does not like her so-called friends who dislike and discard her just because of her job and she is afraid of being isolated by others, she gives up her effort to find other trustworthy ‘live’ friend, which is more difficult than just talk to obedient audience—the dead corpse.

Why she becomes such a kind of woman? First of all, she is not a confident person. In the story, she once questioned, ‘How can a woman like me, with little schooling and not much knowledge, compete with others in this greed-consumed, dog-eat-dog world?’ even though she is good at her job. It is true that in her time, women are confronted with difficulties when they try to prove their capability. And her brother’s experience reinforced her self-abasement. Her brother’s girlfriend is a perfect one ‘of talent and beauty’. But when faced with reality and love, such an excellent woman still has to submit to reality. This may have a big crush on the narrator and make her realized how cruel and realistic this world can be. Therefore, no matter what kind of job she is taking, at least it can protect her from not being hurt by the outside world.

What’s more, she can live on this job and reaches some kind of independence, because she does not want to rely upon others. She is alien to her society, because her friends all abandoned her when they know the truth of her job, which makes her dubious and suspicious. In her point of view, human nature cannot be trusted. Aunt Yifen’s dearest lover left her without hesitation on the account of her occupation. In this world, if love is untrustworthy, what else can we give faith to? It is because the narrator perceives this clearly that she decides to rely on herself. Only through this way can she protect herself from not being hurt emotionally, or at least, pretend to be unhurt.

And the narrator is a little pleased with her job. Since ‘actually, there is not a single person in this city who does not need help from someone in our profession. No matter who they are--rich or poor, high or low--once Fate has brought them to us, we are their final consolation; it is we who will give them a calm, good-natured appearance and make them seem incomparably gentle.’ this job seems to give a lot of self-satisfaction to her. Look at her. How great she is: not only can she live on her own, but also she can be relied by others, which even include some dignitaries. Obviously, this kind of pleasure appeases her lot, which, in fact, is only a self-deception.

To conclude, the narrator took her job as a protection of extricates her from being hurt by the cruel society and human beings. And she has not the right to question others why love cannot surpass inner fears, because she is not dear to get out of her job and fight against Fate.

Reading Log

2007-01-01T18:32:00.000-08:00

Reading Log for 'Swaddling Clothes'

Maybe it is because of culture shock, at first, I don’t quite understand why Toshiko thinks what she witnesses is a ‘shame’ and she should keep this secret, which would have great impact on this boy. My first impression of this lady is that she is too sentimental and perhaps, too ‘confident’. Why she has such thought that ‘even if that baby should grow up in ignorance of the secret of his birth, he can never become a respectable citizen’? Does it account that much that the baby’s birth is so piteous? She just gives too much emphasize to her on this incident. But in fact, we are not as so vital to others as we think.

According to my comprehension, the swaddling clothes, maybe from Toshiko’s point of view, are a destiny, which no one can change or reverse. No matter what efforts the baby will make after he grows up, his future is doomed because of these swaddling clothes, the symbol of illegitimate and inferiority. He was born to be the lower class of the society on the account of his birth. And the reason why Toshiko pays so much attention to this baby is that, apart from her kindness, she found there are some common grounds between the baby and her: both of them are doomed. It can be seen that she is not quite happy living with her husband. He is ‘always busy’, busy with his hedonic life at nigh clubs, and is not quite care about Toshiko as a husband. Therefore, she is lonely in this world and she can do nothing to fight against this situation. All she can do is accepting it passively and having some wild thoughts in her mind. That’s why Toshiko is a sentimental, pessimist and melancholy woman.

Timed-writing

2007-01-01T17:34:00.000-08:00

Emma (Su Hongyi)
December 21, 2006
Timed-writing Three

After the policies of open-up and evolution in 1979, China is becoming more and more similar to other countries, especially America and European countries because of the development in communication and transportation.

As a university student in China, I think the way we learn knowledge changing. In the past, we were always a passive listener in class: the teacher taught and we made notes, a very traditional way since Confucius. But now, according to the American style, we must participate in the process of teaching. Things like presentations, class discussions that have never occurred in old China are so popular in universities. What is more is that we can challenge the authority of the teacher, an unbelievable thing that can hardly be perceived in the past, because we used to believe that teachers are always right and questioning teacher was considered unrespectable. In class, we are encouraged and welcomed to raise questions and show disagreements. In addition, because of the development of Internet, we can share the same courses and information with students all over the world. For examples, thanks to the open-course web of MIT, we can know what MIT students are learning and vice versa. There are also a lot of internet courses which are easily available of many universities abroad.

And on campus, there are a lot of laboratories and programs which are cooperated by two or more countries. Especially in the field of science and technology, the progress of the experiments is almost the same. In our laboratories, you can see the equipments and experimental methods just like foreign laboratories. There are also a lot of exchange scholars, professors and international seminars are raised every year, thanks to the development in transportation. So china is becoming more similar in the aspect of scientific research.

And culturally speaking, we are becoming similar too. We are having Christmas, Thanks giving and all kinds of celebrations of western world. Some people even criticize that we have these western holidays too often to remember the traditional days in our own country. And whether it is good or not still is discussed fiercely.

All these similarities are the input from western world. This is a reality which is hard to accept physiologically, considering that China once is a great country that has both strong economy and culture. I hope one day I can have the opportunity to write an essay about other places is becoming more similar to China.

Cover Letter

2007-01-01T17:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Portfolio Reader,

Welcome to my blog!

In this blog, I am very honored and pleased to present you some of my favorite works which include three essays for ‘A Woman like Me’, one reading log and a timed writing essay in my academic writing class at Fudan University.

As a Chinese student whose native language is not English, I was once confused about how to write in English: What method should I introduce when I write in English? Should it be the same as when I am writing in Chinese? Writing seemed to be a big obstacle to me because I do not know how to find some feasible ways to improve it. So here I am, in the academic writing class.

In class, we did a lot of reading and writing. During the learning process, I found that the more I went through this class, the more understood I become about writing in English. As far as I am concerned, when writing in English, it is very important to be direct and logical, while in Chinese, elegance and emotions stand a more influential role. I remember that in high school, the first requirement of a good essay in Chinese is its elegant use of words, which means a lot of quotations, ancient poems and rhetoric like parallelism. This does not mean that reason is not important, but the beautiful words often meant a higher score. I think this may be related to one Chinese tradition: if a man has a large storage of vocabulary and memorizes a lot of great articles and poems, he can then write good articles, and the best way to test such kind of ability is to examine his articles to see his manipulation of words. Therefore, when I am writing in Chinese, I usually put more time on the appearance of the essay than the content.

However, when it comes to English, the situation is just the opposite. The ratiocination and organization matter more. For example, the teacher requires us to find a thesis statement first when we begin to write an essay, and then find evidences to support it. Perhaps it is because we are second language leaner that the teacher thinks that the most vital thing for us is to express our ideas clearly and logically. And we have paid much less attention to the beautification of the essay. Our main focus is how to express our thoughts and ideas clearly and logically and I have such kind of feeling that the western people try to use a more direct way to express their ideas, just contrary to us.

At first, I have not paid attention to this and after discovering that, I was not very used to such kind of change. You can see that in my essay draft the organization is not that coherent. But I think at least I am progressing, which, from my point of view, is the most significant thing in writing.

I feel very pleased that I can have this opportunity to share my writing experience with you. Hope you can have a good time here.

Sincerely,
Emma